Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
