my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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