I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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