I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
