i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
