Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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