My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
