sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
