I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
