You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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