rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
