Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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