There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
