You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
