so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
