I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
