Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
