trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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