I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
