Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
