What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
