ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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