Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
