i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I currently don't understand fingers.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
