I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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