I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
