Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
