Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm too high and old for this...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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