Duck Duck Cougar?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
