I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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