I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
