i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
