no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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