He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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