Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He passed out mid-signature
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize