I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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