Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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