It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
