Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
why do cheetos always look like penises
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
