i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
