just tell him i said nine months
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
