I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
