My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
