I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
