He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
