So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
