I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
