I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
