I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
