I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
