No stitches, just platelets and will power
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
