what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
