3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I need to calm my uterus...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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