i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
