whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
