If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
