I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
