U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
