I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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