i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
