I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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