he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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