Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There are leaves in my underwear?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize