I feel great
I just peed on a car
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
