Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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