I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
