hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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