So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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