Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
