I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
