she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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