just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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