Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
