Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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